Clearly I’m dodging the central issue here — making bolts.

I’ve got to admit, I find myself getting a bit sick of all this engineered intensity. That is to say, mucking around with catapults in the backyard can get even the most ardent adventurer down, if he doesn’t exercise some moderation in the matter.

I mean, what does it get you? A gold watch for meritorious achievement in the field of catapult research? A patch with crossed duras blazoned on it? Buying your comission by dint of service performed; always that fading glow of self admiration when the action inevitably ceases.

Pregnant pause, ensues.

….It’s not like we’ve got bleachers here. Standing ovations are just not in the cards when you work alone. There are no cheering sections when you are inside the bubble, cut off from the greater throng of humanity……

And as the pity party reaches its crescendo…

….Snivel, snivel. Blub, blub.

Wait for it…

…..sob, sob , sob….

Trembling fingers reach for a tissue, while a sly eye glints at the camera.


Of course, this is all rubbish. The trick is: allowing yourself to believe that you don’t care, just long enough to perform some act of public embarrasment (like all this nonsense I am scribbling now) and then, when your true self catches up with you (the one that actually does care) it has some freshly manufactured shame to help get up a head of steam. Motivation is the heart-throb of any endevour.


And the next morning:

Chasened by the stunned silence from his worldwide audience, the catapult maker drifts back into his workshop and picks up his tools with a groan. He coughs and grumbles, dreams of the great outdoors, and vows to never make another catapult ever again.

Soon, however, the sounds of a lathe can be heard emanating from behind closed doors.

His day has begun.


Melodramatic chords, ensue.

4 Responses to “Autarky.”

  1. Captn harpoon says:

    For me your recent work has paid off in spades. In my argument with Proff.V.G Hart, I maintained that in order to prove the inswinger design more effecient, that the testing be done with the Hatra or Orsova be conducted using identicle drawlengths.

    Previously it has been surmised that any superiourity is due simply to the longer draw length. It also helps proves out my theory that the Hatra find was not designed for extreme rotation due to spring length and diameter, and probable arm rotation LESS than 90 degrees.

    I also wish to thank you for proving that arm rotation past the 12 oclock rest position is the most likely correct positioning based upon performance or results. Before your recent work it remained just another one of Warhammers crackpot theories.

    Not much of a reward for you, but thanks.

  2. Nick says:

    Well, all hail Warhammer! Although before you get to richocheting around the internet with proclamations of your magnificence, it seems only fair to warn you that the dance ain’t quite over yet.

  3. Captn harpoon says:

    More pig heads?

  4. Nick says:

    Cuts must be made.

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